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LEADERSHIP ESSENTIALS: TIP 24

Writer's picture: James RuleJames Rule


“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you. In that you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you” Brian Tracy


This is an appropriate quote with which to introduce my latest Leadership Essential - Temperance.




Have you ever said anything your regretted? Sent an email or text you wished you could take back? We all have at some point and what unites us is the emotional state we were in at that moment in time.


We were not cool, calm and composed. Rather it is likely we were angry, hurt, or frustrated.


Temperance is defined as ‘moderation in action, thought or feeling.’ The reality is we cannot be moderate in our actions if we cannot control our thoughts and feelings.


Two core areas that temperance is critical for impactful leadership are:


Decision making


Leaders are required to make an inordinate number of decisions each and every day. We owe it to ourselves and those we lead to optimise the quality of those decisions by practicing temperance.


Role model


As leaders we have to set the standard and role model the behaviours we want our staff to embrace. Would we rather lead an organisation filled with calm, composed and consistent performers or one full of erratic, irrational hot headed ones?


That is not to say as leaders we will not get triggered. Of course we will - by somebody’s words, actions, or by the challenging situations that we are confronted with.


We must accept that we cannot control those external events but we can control whether we allow them to trigger us or not.


Easier said than done? This is a challenge that people have wrestled with through the ages.


The Angry Letter

Abraham Lincoln would frequently write angry letters to individuals that had piqued his anger. He would finish these letters by writing ‘not signed and not sent’, and then he would file them in his desk. This was his way of processing and defusing his anger.


Journal

An equivalent strategy is to express your frustrations privately in your journal. I have found that the process of articulating the source of frustration has two core benefits. It acts as a reset, a chance to diffuse emotions of anger.


Further it provides clarity as you explore what options you have at your disposal to format a response or strategy to address the source of your stress.


Box Breathing

Favoured by the Navy Seals and elite athletes, Box Breathing can be transformative in regulating emotions. Simply breathe in for a count of four, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds and then hold for four seconds. Repeat for sixty seconds.


Talk to a trusted confidante

This might be a colleague, or a loved one. My wife and I are partners in all aspects of our lives. I frequently draw from her wisdom and perspective when processing challenges. Once again we are regulating our thoughts and feelings before they have chance to negatively influence our actions.


Trust your gut

Very few situations are unique. Have you experienced something similar in the past? Chances are you overcame it without losing your cool which should assist you in finding temperance as you process your most recent challenge.

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